Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.
"Californication" -a slang term coined by Americans for a situation whereby rich former residents of California move into other states and drive housing prices up by buying multiple houses. This term can also be interpreted to mean the invasion of Californian residents, and in this case the invasion of Hollywood (a resident of California)into the hearts and minds of our youth. Cease your denial and open your eyes, for it has already happened. Young girls are starving themselves, casual sex is increasing, clothing are getting smaller and smaller -and all for the same excuse of "I saw it on TV". Our children are adopting these celebrities as role models, and we must stop it at once.
Firstly,celebrities should not be our role model because they are always simply trying to get the tabloid attention when they get married,break-up,do drugs,get arrested,get too thin or too fat.Obviously,they do not live the same lifestyles as we average people do even if they want to,it is very hard to change the fact that they are celebrities.To be our role model just because of their tabloid news is simply ridiculous.
Secondly,usually celebrities should only be idiolized by us and not being respected by us.Our role model is like someone whom we can talk to whereas we do not talk to the celebrities and of cause they do not talk to us.Only our families and friends talk to us.Therefore even if our families and friends are not our role model,the celebrities should not even have the single position to be our role model.
Thirdly, most celebrities are not the knights in shining armour that most percieve them to be. Take for example the recent case of the wrestler in his mansion. He had committed suicide after killing his wife and child while on multiple drugs at the same time. This clearly shows that while some celebrities do help make the world a better place by helping canvass support for tsunami victims. However, the minority does not determine the whole. The same is true vice-versa. There is no way to tell how many poor children have been misleaded to believe everything their 'role models' say.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Too wordy. Very boring to read and hard to understand. Not that focused.
Not all that great. Niot persuasive at all.
First of all , Californication does not mean wat u say it is a song by >
RED HOT CHILLI PADI
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Californication_%28song%29
Secondly , elaboration is well done but lack of examples is very disturbing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disturbia
A little informal http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Informal
Overall very good very good ! I like !
By The Awesome Army of Tian Rui
( Iqbal and Tian RUi YO !)
i think the introduction is quite well-written and interesting. i like the last statement of the first paragraph as i think its quite strong. i think the second paragraph is mpre about whether celebrities are good or bad but not wheteher we should make them our role models or not. lost a bit of focus here. then the last paragraph was a bit wierd about the 'knight-in -shining-armour thing'. All in all, quite alright just that the points are a bit wierd.
(audrey)
1st Paragraph: Introduction is attention grabbing and to the point.
2nd Paragraph: Biased, unclear topic sentence.
3rd Paragraph: Highly unconvincing, unclear topic sentence.
4th Paragraph: Concluding statement does not link with thesis statement. Well done with examples.
Comment By: Nicole, Kaimi, KhengHian, Wenxun, Azzezah - Klut Of Nael'zaf
1. the introduction is not well done, not focused on the main topic(celebrities should not be role models)However, it is not formal. most of the thesis statements are clear except paragraph 2
2. Topic sentence is very clear, straight-to-the-point
3.The elaboration is relevant but not sufficent
4. Yes, each paragraph only contained 1 topic sentence
5.Did not write concluding sentence
done by: sophie, ker yien, lydia, felicia, elizabeth
The intro has no focus, no idea what is going on.Topic sentences are not that good, and there is no concluding statements.
Overall not that good. Does not capture attention
By:HaziQ RuLeS BABE!!!
Introduction is good, clear focus and thesis statement.
Grp5
Post a Comment